My Cultural Void

So today I went to my first BAATN therapists gathering.

What I don’t ever mention or point out is I am mixed race, my father is Nigerian and my mother Caucasian.

I live in a very non diverse area of the country and my father returned to Nigeria when I was 4, I haven’t seen him since but have spoken on numerous occasions.
Not only did I go without a father figure until my mother met my step father but it also left a cultural void that I’ve now learnt I can’t ignore.
He thought it inappropriate that I had a job where I ran a pub and so I have never broached the subject of sexuality with him.

It has never really bothered me before but what did was the constant nagging feeling that I did really fit anywhere.

                          “I always felt too black to be white and too white to be black”

It wasn’t until I listened to people who have have lived with the challenges that it brought to their lives that I realised my own struggles.

I do a lot of parts therapy and without realising I had been neglecting what should have been an integral part of myself.

Over the years I have stopped straightening my hair and let the mane free, I dye it a more natural colour now and wear my fro with pride.

I am mixed race for a reason and embracing it I can see that like my sexuality I can take advantage of it to assist and educate others.

In conclusion I should not be scared of my cultural heritage and in fact I should embrace it. It is all part of that learning curve to find me and who I am and denying my cultural heritage has only served to limit my growth further.

Being different in more than one way is pretty cool and I fancy being sub-zero.

Z x

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